When I think of Subaru, I think of the color blue, a loud exhaust, a turbo blow-off valve and a rude lad in his early 20s behind the wheel flanked by an insanely attractive “femme irrésistible” but the subaru forester i got to drive recently hardly conforms to this deeply entrenched stereotype. It all began when a friend I hadn’t met for a while requested that we meet for some “mbuzi Choma” at a popular tavern along the Northern bypass. He happened to tag along his girlfriend who owns a Subaru forester and she was kind enough to let me take it for a spin as they had lunch and rightfully so since I wasn’t particularly keen on disrupting their impending amorous congress.
I however immediately regretted accepting the car when I took it for a spin on the road. It was extremely fast, much faster than i’m accustomed to. All the cars I’ve ever driven now felt like bicycles in comparison since It now dawned on me that I had to floor the gas on each of them to achieve reasonable motion. It seems they were all a tad lackluster but that was not the case with the Subaru. In the one hour or less I had it, I never even got to floor the pedal. The car was already hitting well over 100 with part throttle. I would have almost certainly killed myself in this beast were it not for my 10 years intermittent driving experience that i had to summon fully and which played a crucial role in my efforts to tame the beast. It is certainly not a car for learners or beginners. The handling was so sharp and precise that it felt like you could easily take corners at well over 100 (I didn’t try, I’m way too young to die.) I was, for the first time, getting a feel of the much taunted symmetrical AWD sorcery and to say that I was impressed would be an understatement. I have never driven a car with such pristine road holding capabilities as this car. And to think that it’s a young girl’s daily driver, wow. Not to be sexist but this world is indeed full of surprises. I’ve always been under the false impression that a woman’s attention is always drawn towards passos, demios and the like.
The exterior is boxy but an imposing kind of boxy unlike the rectangular Probox. It has subtle contours running along the sides but not nearly enough to conceal the boxy appearance. It is not particularly striking overall but at least there’s evidence that some thought went into the design process. The interior is very old school but was right at home in the early 2000s. The cars of today have Integrated multimedia screens and more modern design elements which make the forester look out of place in this decade but this is hardly a deal breaker since the 2.0L turbocharged engine paired to a 4-speed automatic transmission is by far the “piecé de resistance” of this car.
It churns out plenty of power for the speed fanatics. I overtook a row of about 5 slow moving vehicles along the northern bypass so effortlessly it felt like they were standing still. With all the fielders I’ve driven in the past, you had to literally floor the pedal before attempting an overtaking manouvre but with the Subaru, I was never in doubt about it’s ability to perform when needed and the sweet roar from the loud exhaust is a welcome boost to those that struggle with low self-esteem. There was a slight lag when taking off but once the turbo kicked in, it shot forward like a heat-seeking missile. The only thing lacking is an anti-lag system that would have fixed the turbo lag and a BOV that would have produced the sweet “braap braap, stu stu” sound that gives Subaru owners endless “cargasms.” When I returned the car about an hour later, sweat droplets had formed on my forehead, I was trembling all over and the hairs at the back of my head had stood up but my self-esteem had shot up significantly. My hunger for food had also mysteriously disappeared and I politely declined the roast meat they had reserved for me. All i craved was another adrenaline-filled experience with the car. It gave me a rare kind of confidence, the kind of confidence to flag down a GK land cruiser or the presidential convoy and demand to be presented with valid driving licences from the bewildered men in uniform since, as a diligent taxpayer, I am (technically) their employer.
They say to love and to be loved in return is the greatest feeling in the world but I beg to differ. In fact, nothing could be further from the truth. Those who swear by this phrase have clearly never been behind the wheel of a Subaru Forester. I can confidently say that driving this beast is, by far, the best feeling in the world. I used to think that the incessant devotion to the Subaru brand was nothing short of absurd but driving one made me realize that I’ve been driving boring cars all along and it now makes sense why Patricia, my disgraced ex, ran off with a Subaru lad. I have never seen a car with such precise handling, such raw power and such an imposing presence like the Forester. I’ve for a while now seen so much praise heaped on the Subaru brand and I always thought that it was overrated. It couldn’t possibly be as good as is alleged, i thought. I was cautious of the placebo effect when I got behind the wheel of this Subaru but boy did it impress. I know i said i would procure a “fielder ya mataa” for myself but to hell with that, the Subaru forester has made it to the top of my bucket list, the genie is out of the bag and it will be difficult to put it back but, who knows, I could drive an evo tomorrow and the structure of my bucket list could change yet again but I find that to be highly unlikely. I may need more time with the car to pen a proper, detailed review and in that regard, negotiations are ongoing with the lady via my friend to lend me the car for at least a day or two. She’s hesitant since she’s not accustomed to parting with her beloved car and rightfully so since in the words of Shakespeare: “uneasy is the head that wears the crown” but it shouldn’t be too hard given her L’esprit de l’escalier (staircase wit.) If she does oblige, I will pen a detailed review covering every aspect of the car down to the smallest detail and it will be very long but insightful.
Lastly, I’ve seen Subaru owners, enthusiasts and fans alike get bashed, criticized and accused of vile ills that are mostly unfounded or based on isolated cases that are the exception rather than the rule. The problem has always been the response and it seems Subaru owners are generally very irritable and sensitive to criticism which, in a way, vindicates the critics but in responding to these critics, I would suggest they take the example of Cato the Younger, the Roman statesman and stoic philosopher, who was pleading a case when his adversary Lentulus spat in his face. After wiping off the spittle, Cato said, “I will swear to anyone, Lentulus, that people are wrong to say that you cannot use your mouth.” Many won’t get the humor in the response but once you do, use such against your critics.
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