MATATU TALES.

On an evening commute home from work while discussing the increase in road accidents during the festive season, a matatu driver under the influence of herbs once conferred to me of an incident where a woman in a vitz rear-ended his matatu and when he and the conductor alighted to assess the damage, the rear bumper had been smashed in and was dangling on one side but the woman was so shaken and confused she kept asking how much the damage would cost even though her flimsy vitz was much more extensively damaged. so sensing an opportunity and preying on the woman’s clear ineptitude, they prompty demanded 10k saying that the entire rear bumper would have to be replaced since it wasn’t “fixable” and went ahead to state that the 10k was for a second hand unit since they “pitied” her and did not want to subject her to the pain of having to part with “30k” for a “brand new” unit. The woman was so ecstatic that the matter had been resolved so quickly and amicably that she promptly parted with 10k in cash and thanked the “gentlemen” for “understanding” since she was a new driver and it was her first accident.

The two having received the cash, quickly sped off, dropped off the passengers at their destination and had the bumper straightened at a garage for the price of 1,500 shillings after which they promptly shared out the remainder in disbelief at their luck that day. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor woman as he narrated the ordeal while laughing as though he had done a very noble act worthy of a nobel peace prize. The woman’s ignorance however must have been on another level entirely to be duped in such a manner in broad daylight. She probably joined her female colleagues later that night at a local watering hole and narrated ecstatically how she had narrowly escaped having to part with 30k for a matatu’s rear bumper thanks in part to the “sympathy” of the driver and conductor only for her friends to stare in astonishment at each other and burst out laughing and “re-welcoming” her back to Nairobi with endless lectures on the purpose of the insurance sticker on her windscreen. She would then probably have beckoned the waiter and requested for the strongest alcoholic drink they had while digesting the hard learnt lessons.